The Conversation

So your phone beeped that no longer familiar beep. You opened the Whatsapp. It read "hi. How are you?" 

So there could be a 100001 ways to answer this. 

You could tell him about the other night when you woke up in panic because you had that nightmare. It was a good dream. It was good because he was in it. You called it a nightmare because he left. Took you a while to realise that it wasn't a dream at all. Just a memory. 

You could tell him about the day when you saw their photo and he was genuinely happy. And that made you sad. It made you sad because you promised you would be happy for him. If he's happy, then you're happy. It made you sad because you had to break your promise. 

You could tell him about your travelling experience lately. You could tell him about Dubai. How being in a foreign country doesn't feel foreign at all. How nothing made you happier than to see new places and trying new things. How being away from your routine feels right at home. How it made you realise, that life is not made to be lived in one place. 

You could tell him about how you dislike your current posting now. How statistics isn't really your cup of tea. How data and surveys are mere numbers to you. And numbers don't mean anything. But you miss doing Mathematics so at the end of the day it's not that bad. But still you'd lived for the day you finish your exams for Community Medicine. 

You could tell him all this. But as usual, you don't. 

You replied "hi. S'all good macam biasa. You?" 

*send*

z. 

Time.

Here. Have a non-related photo of the sunset from the 124th floor of Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. 

Hmm. I've sort of lost faith in the term "being late" ever since I started medschool. 

The irony of it, really. I mean, whoever heard of anyone who was basically trained to be on time for 3 whole years, to just not accepting the term "being late"?

Punctuality is one thing. But the way I see it, things happen at the exact time they're supposed to happen. It's all been laid out by Him. Down to the last microsecond. 

The way I've always been told for the past 3 years - arriving at the hospital 3 mins later than the time you're supposed to clock in, MIGHT cost you a life. (And your salary, zzz on that part)

The way I've been training myself to think - you're not 3 minutes late. You arrive just at the time you're supposed to arrive. If you did arrive 3 minutes earlier, you wouldn't have gotten the chance to help an elderly pakcik, wanting to pay for his probably only meal of the day and it just so happened that you were passing by the cafe and maybe it's just His way of granting you extra pahala for the day. Sure it cost you RM5 for the pakcik's Teh O and nasi lemak, but hey no one has ever gotten poor by giving too much. 

So yeah. Things will happen when they're supposed to happen. Qada' and qadar, the predestination, what I've always heard people call it. 

Although yes, it can be hard sometimes to remember qada' and qadar when you're caught in a 20 minute delay in traffic trying to get to class in the morning. 

Takpe weyh. Self-control. Think good thoughts. Think good thoughts. 

Late night ramblings, 

Z.