Too High Expectations

Sometimes, people do the shittiest things that gets you so mad. And you just sit there frustrated and trembling with anger, staring at the wall with your fists clenched, trying as hard you might to hold back the tears that are pooling at the edge of your eyelids.

You just can't seem to get it.

Why don't they understand?

Why do they choose to  do the things they did?

And it's not like you haven't tried to explain things, you did.

But you get mad because they won't listen.

They refuse to listen.

And that's even more frustrating. When you so badly want to patch things up and repair everything but when you say one word, the other person shouts out another 50.

You proceed to try channelling out your anger.

Should you punch the wall?

Should you go online and rant and post everything for the world to see? For the world to able to learn the same lesson?

Should you go to the kitchen, grab a tub of ice cream, put on 500 Days of Summer and cry away because you've been bullied?

Nope.

Instead, you unclench your fists, sigh and back down. You switch on your Macbook, you sign in, and write.

And by the end of the post, you no longer feel mad. At the end of the post, you've forgotten the feelings you had 10 mins ago.

And you learned this ;

Maybe it's your fault for expecting people to react the way you would. Maybe it's your fault for thinking too highly of such people.

Maybe it's your fault for thinking they were different, when in fact, they've proven themselves to you how very similar they are to the people you try to stay away from.

Yes, maybe that's it. Maybe all of this is the fault of no one but your own.

Z.

Self-reminder

Note to self :

It always, always, always pays to be the bigger person.

It's been a while

Hi.

Take a guess on where I am at the moment. Go on, guess. 

RC. In Manjung, on a hot afternoon, 3.30 pm, when I seriously should be in my bed. Napping.

To be honest, I am at the verge of burning out though. I know it's not really a fair statement, I am in no position to feel that way, but I am. 

I am sick and tired of O&G, I don't get much time on my own to study and honestly? It's really bumming me out. Can't believe there would be a day where I would be disappointed because I am unable to study.

Going to the wards everyday and basically clerking patients without having a proper framework of the mind really is taking a toll on my intelligence.

Not really finding an excuse, just a way I let off some steam.


1 week and a half to go till Dubai. Let's keep motivated!

Mudah-mudahan Allah setuju.





Z.