Lastly.

"I'm done with you" 

Well, it's not the first time I heard that from somewhere. 

So that's okay. 

I understand.

Sometimes I'm done too.

Z.

The Sunset

To one day be able to enjoy this similar view without having this sick feeling of longing for something that is missing, but you can't even place what it is. 

Boleh?

InsyaAllah.

Z

Listen. Just, listen.

There would be times when you are at your lowest.
Times when all you want, all you need at the moment, is to talk.
No, not converse. Just talk.
Like you would call or meet up with someone and just go on and on and on about whatever that is bothering you.
Doesn't matter whether you laughed or cried or there'd be times when you seemed completely mental.
But talk.
Talk to anyone, hell, anything that would listen.
And they, it, whatever would just listen. Or even just pretend to listen. Because at this point of life, you wouldn't even care if they are just pretending for your sake.
Heck, they don't even need to say anything.
They don't even need to nod or even move or anything.
They just need to be there.
All you require in this moment is just presence, a probable entity.
To just listen.

But honey, you are one selfish bitch.
Because the only person you know who would listen to you rage on for 3 days straight and still stick by you,


..is the only person who you are trying so very hard to push away at this moment.





Z.

Surprise, Paediatrics.

You know how life can sometimes surprise you in the most pleasant way possible?
Well this week, I got a surprise.

I genuinely enjoyed my Paediatrics posting*


So, that's good right? Let's work along this line then, shall we dear self?



Z.

* don't get me wrong. I enjoyed my Internal Medicine & Surgery posting as well
* also, it could be because I've always self-proclaimed myself as being not good with kids. Nothing changed though. I still think I'm not a kids person.

Let's Talk Physics

Newtons 3rd Law states that: 

For every action, there is an equal reaction 

You see, you might have not even notice it, the thought might have never even crossed your mind, but maybe I don't know, just maybe your action somewhat 4,5,10 years ago might have left a (not so equal) reaction to someone else?

Probably a reaction that still lasts till this very day?

But meh, who am I to say such things anyway? I only exist as a mere fraction of your distant memory, kan?

Z. 

Rose

No matter how well you brace yourself for the ending, you end up hurt anyway. 

Like how you know things won't end well, yet you keep on trying & trying, day by day, hoping for... I don't know, a change? Or maybe just a hint of hope? 

No matter how small of a hope it may be.

Because it's like pulling out a thorn from that sweet-smelling rose you held on to for too long, so long that the thorn has now became a part of your skin. So when you finally pull it out, you stare at the scar it made and you wonder how long will it take for your skin to heal this time. 

But at the same time, you know that the longer you keep the thorn there, the more it's gonna hurt.

All the while having this thought at the back of your mind - what if you had kept that rose just a minute longer... would there be a chance for things to be different?

Z.

Once.

"..but it became a struggle & timing was wrong, and love decided that they didn't belong"

So appreciate people while you still can. Because one day when they're gone, it doesn't matter how many buckets of tears you shed in the process, or whose fault it was, or how happy you initially were..

..the only thing left of you now is regret. 




Z.

From this side,

If you can't be happy for other people, than the least you can do is not hate them for their reasons of happiness, no matter how petty and minute and tiny the reasons may seem to you.


Well, think about it darling, the world won't be any fun anymore without these sort of people to entertain you, will it?



Z.

Prologue

First things first I know it's typical but I deem it necessary of me to have at least one introductory post about well, myself. 

God, I sound self centred.

No matter.

The name's Farhan Zafira Zafrin. Turning 22 this April insyaAllah though I'm living in denial at the moment. Growing up, I thought I hated people, but I guess that changed when I entered Medical school. 

Wanted to be a Marine Biologist up till I was 17, magically took up Medicine as my degree after I finish my foundation. Yeah, I know. Wow.

Currently halfway through my degree but we both know I've still got a loong way to go. 

I prefer sandy beaches and hidden waterfalls rather than busy shopping malls. I spend my money on mostly food and travelling. I live for road trips and driving through the city, looking at the assorted lights whenever it's dark out and no longer busy.

I read because it's my personal way of time travelling. Although, I do resent myself for keeping on finding excuses to why I never read as much anymore. 

Not that much of a sweet tooth, but I wouldn't say no to good desserts. I love sunsets just as much as I enjoy the rain. I'm not that much of a morning person, though I do try, at times. 

Cats are my favourite kind of people. Yes, you read that right. 

I am an only child & I absolutely love being one no matter how many "tak lonely ke?" comments I get. My parents are my best friends and my best friends are my extended family. No names need to be mentioned, they're well aware of themselves.

Little things that make my day would be (the ones that are on top of my head at the moment):

• meaningful conversations
• milkshakes
• epiphanies
• perfectly drawn eyeliners
• quality time with a loved one
• seeing new places & trying out new things
• anything Harry Potter themed

I am not out to change people. If I don't like you, I will avoid you and choose to not speak to you. It's as simple as that. Nothing personal, it's just my way of avoiding anything complicated.

I'll let you in on a secret - I know I don't write that well, but one day I wish to write. 

I'll let you in on a bigger secret - I don't even care if whatever I get to write about has nothing to do with medicine.

I could go on forever. But I choose to stop. Here. Yeap. Righttt about..

..now.

Z.

#1

Been thinking of getting my own blog for a while to be honest. I guess now that I'm almost 22 I like the idea of having something permanent to write down my thoughts, but at the same time having something that is not too private. You get what I mean? Like a diary or something.

So yeah, a blog.

I highly doubt myself for trying to sustain this sort of writing drive though. It doesn't come often. So I might as well learn to make full use of it, while it's here.

And hopefully, this time it stays.

No pressure, dear self. After all, you're only 21.

Till later,

Z.